


With Apologies to Freddie Mercury

by Wrench_Wench



Series: Fics from Wrench_Wench's Tumblr [13]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Good Omens Fusion, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Gen, Good Omens References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 21:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16879158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrench_Wench/pseuds/Wrench_Wench
Summary: Damian discovers what happens when you leave a CD/cassette/recording of any type in a car for too long.  This is what happens when I can’t sleep and want to re-read Good Omens, but I can’t because I leant my copy to my Dad.-Posted to tumblr in 2011.





	With Apologies to Freddie Mercury

It was commonly agreed by all of Gotham’s commuters that the I-(X)95 Beltway must have been designed by someone evil. The traffic was consistently horrible for no discernible reason, except for the occasional horrific accident and not-so-occasional high-speed chase. Surely, the average motorist thought, Gotham’s largest artery served some infernal purpose that only the truly wretched delighted in. (The architect in question had used the I-(X)95 as a testing ground for his more ambitious plans for the M25 in London, and would be offended to be called “wretched”).

Thankfully for Damian’s sanity, the latest model of the Batmobile was fully capable of switching into flight mode. If the current Robin had been forced to deal with navigating the I-(X)95 while coping with his vehicle’s current abnormalities, the results would not be pretty. Before coming to Gotham, Damian had never spent significant amounts of time using the same car, or even the same vehicle. As a result, the youngest Wayne had never experienced a rather frustrating phenomena that afflicts most automobiles, but seemed to afflict the Batmobile ( _any_  Batmobile) worse than others.

Any musical recording left in the Batmobile for more than a week, be it cassette, CD, or MP3 playlist, somehow turned into  _The Best of Queen_. At first Damian believed this to be some sort of prank by Oracle, so he switched from iPod to CDs. When that didn’t work, he installed a cassette player. The current Robin was on the verge of switching to 8-Track when Dick finally mentioned how this same thing had occurred to him and Bruce back when he was Robin.

Further investigation revealed that most of the Batfamily was aware of these occurrences (except for Stephanie; this was yet another thing that Bruce had seen fit to exclude her from. But that was alright, she made up for it by forming a Dead Robins Club with Jason. It was a subsidiary of the larger multi-verse wide Dead Sidekicks Support Group). In fact, it was the reason why Bruce had banned stereos within previous vehicles. When Dick took up the mantle, he, of course, disregarded that mandate. It was his fault Damian had installed the music equipment in the first place.

In fact, Damian felt that it was right to blame Dick for one of his more mortifying experiences with his father. Bruce had recently made his miraculous return to the realm of the living, and had decided to personally evaluate Damian’s performance as Robin. Determined to prove himself, Damian had eagerly leapt into the vehicle with his father. It never occurred to him that the original Batman might find the unintentional musical selection offensive, or that he would even turn the stereo on. However, Bruce was unfamiliar with the controls of the new Batmobile, so when he attempted to listen in on the Police Broadwave, the dulcet tones of Freddie Mercury filled the cabin.

“ _Mama, just killed a man_

_Put a gun against his head_

_Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead…_ ”

Damian couldn’t be certain, and he’d deny it if anyone ever asked him, but he thought that his father might have stiffened and even teared up upon hearing the lyrics of “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Needless to say, the father-son patrol ended prematurely.

For months, the youngest Wayne was convinced that he had somehow gravely offended his unpleaseable father. No amount of reassurance from Dick could convince him otherwise (and really, how could Damian believe someone who actually sang along to “Don’t Stop Me Now”? If  _Dick_ enjoyed Queen, it was almost certain that  _Bruce_  loathed it), and the young vigilante disabled the stereo system to prevent another incident. It wasn’t until Stephanie revealed information about the monthly Dead Robins (plus Scarlet) Karaoke Night that Damian had any true context for his father’s reaction. Apparently, Jason’s karaoke anthem was “Bohemian Rhapsody”. (Stephanie was partial to “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. They would, of course, bust out Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” when their 'Dead Sidekicks' friends were in town.)

Years later, Damian would commiserate about this unfortunate phenomena with a man wearing dark glasses and snakeskin boots. Knowing that even ancient demons had to deal with  _The Best of Queen_ popping up in their playlist uninvited somehow made selling his soul easier.  A. J. Crowley was just glad to have roped someone else into helping him stop the Apocalypse (again).

**Author's Note:**

> Original note from a reblog in 2011:
> 
> In my mind, the multi-verse wide Dead Sidekicks Support Group has annual trips to Disney World, and Jason Todd is totally bff with Bucky Barnes.


End file.
